The Crisis
by Epic Laughter
Summary: After the gun that leads to the alternate universe malfunctions, both the genderbends and the original Villagers are stuck in the same world. Everything is interesting and fun at the beginning, but once people start showing up in various states of dismemberment, the mood starts to change...
1. Prologue

This was _it._ She was going to _do it._

Floros took the deepest breath she ever took in her sixteen years of life and let it out agonizingly slowly. She raised her violet eyes to look at the enormous gnarled tree looming over her like the shadow of a malicious, spindly ghost. Dear God, it looked even scarier at night… Floros gulped and was overcome with an immense urge to turn back.

Floros smacked herself in the cheek and winced with pain. _Ow, that was hard…_ She rubbed the sore spot and scowled to herself. _You deserved it, Floros. You didn't come this far to turn back now!_

Floros raised a fist and gave the side of the dead tree four quick knocks. She clenched her eyes shut, as if expecting a hard blow in the head.

_Silence._

Floros realized she had been holding her breath and exhaled. _Guess she's not home, oh well, I tried!_

Floros turned around and began to hum a jaunty tune. She was about to head back when she heard a voice from inside the house.

"Who's there?"

Floros froze, one foot in the air, and looked over her shoulder just in time to see Vilos stick her masked face out of her curtains.

Vilos looked surprised for a moment and mouthed _'Floros?'_ before shaking her head and giving Floros a bone-chilling glare.

"What do _you_ want? I thought we established that we never wanted to see each other again," Despite her cold tone, Vilos floated out of the tree and folded her skeletal arms. "People are going to spread some ugly rumors if they see you talking to me. Do you _really_ want more ugly rumors about you floating around, _kiddo?"_

"Uh, yeah, about the whole 'never speaking to you' thing…" Floros looked down at her feet and traced a line in the dirt with her big toe. "I, uh, I want to…" Floros made eye contact with her soured sister and blurted: "Iwanttobefriendsagain!"

"What?" Vilos wasn't sure she heard Floros correctly. She tilted one of the brows of her mask and Floros immediately turned a shade of red to match it.

"I. Want. To. Be. Friends. With. You. Again," Floros said slowly, as if Vilos was an inattentive three year old.

Vilos got very quiet for a few moments and then retreated back into her tree.

Floros flopped over in disappointment until Vilos stuck her arm through a curtain and beckoned Floros inside with a finger.

The younger girl lit up and scampered into the tree as fast as she could.

Vilos was sitting on a raggedy couch tailor style, an odd expression on her mask. Floros couldn't tell if she was baffled, irritated, or…happy. A mix of the three?

Vilos patted the spot next to her on the couch and Floros stumbled over to her. Floros was feeling really weird herself…was this a dream? She felt like she was sleepwalking…she would never have the guts to do this. _Never._ She'd wake up in a minute and this wouldn't have happened. She had dreams about making up with her sister before. They would hug and bawl in each other's arms, so happy to be reunited after years of being apart…and then Floros would wake up, alone and disappointed, her arms around one of her cheap, hard pillows.

Floros discreetly pinched her own arm. _Ow…not a dream, I guess…_

Vilos made a quiet noise of annoyance and Floros figured she better cut to the chase…hopefully this night wouldn't end with her skull split on the ground and her brains splattered all over the walls of this poor dead tree.

"Stell-er, Vilos…I'm sorry…" Floros fiddled with her hands, refusing to make eye contact with her partially-deceased sister. "I…never wanted to be estranged from you, even if you're ostracized from society…" Floros huffed under her breath. She was talking to Vilos like she was an authority figure of some kind. Not her friend. Not her sister. She couldn't even look her in the eye…

"Floros…" Was Vilos _chuckling?_ "You were always a silly kid. You never changed, huh?"

Floros felt two bony fingers grab her chin and her face was whirled to look at her sister. Vilos was _smiling._ Half-smiling, but still!

Floros couldn't help a smile from overtaking her own face.

"Ten years of cold silence, and the best you can do is waltz up to my house and ask to be friends again?" Vilos let go of Floros' chin and her smile became smirkier. "You're crazy. Absolutely insane."

"Yeah…I've been told that…" Floros started fiddling with her hands again, but she stopped when Vilos placed her skeletal hand over Floros' knotted-up fingers.

"About time, you dummy," Vilos grinned at her sister and pulled her into a quick, awkward embrace. Hugging Vilos felt…odd. Like hugging someone who was barely there. Floros could feel the bones in Vilos' body, but it was a vague sensation. The hug left Floros feeling cold, but she felt completely fulfilled inside.

"I'm glad we buried the hatchet!" Floros was back to her cheery self, tilting her head to the side, her curls bouncing as she grinned at her sister. "Don't worry, sis, I'll keep it a secret. Can I ask you something, though?"

"Depends on what it is," Vilos withdrew her hand and used it to keep a lock of hair from floating too far upwards. _Back to her cold self already? Dang._

Floros didn't let her smile falter. "Is Maggie still around?"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Neither of the sisters had noticed or cared that quite a few hours had passed. Maggie was asleep and purring in Floros' lap, and she and Vilos were talking about all that had happened in the last ten years. They had a lot of catching up to do, after all.

Floros felt nostalgic and happy whenever she looked at her sister. Back in the day, Floros had seen her older sister as a beautiful, intelligent, strong girl who she was so lucky to be related to. Stellos would praise Floros whenever one of her plants would successfully grow, whenever one of her Shellybeans got sent off to a party, whenever she succeeded in fulfilling the romance requirements of two piñatas…Stellos' pale blue eyes would light up, she would ruffle Floros' hair, and say _"Good job, kiddo. I'm proud of you."_

The woman in front of Floros barely resembled the older sister she used to know. Stellos had kept her long, blue-black hair in a braid, while Vilos' silver hair flowed loose in every direction, tresses floating in midair like they were Syrupents. Vilos' eyes were mismatched and cold, while Stellos' were full of warmth, no matter what mood she was in. Vilos was a skeleton, a ghost, barely resembling her former life that was yanked against her far too soon. Still, Floros felt a familiarity whenever she looked at what remained of her older sister. Floating skeleton or not, Stellos was still in there somewhere. Floros could tell by how Vilos smiled at her, just like she used to back when they were kids. A smile meant only for her little sister.

"Patrice always talks about you…" Floros scratched Maggie behind the ears. "She's _obsessed._ I think she has a little crush." Floros poked her tongue out at her sister and Vilos gave her a shove in the shoulder.

"Don't even joke about that," Vilos scowled, but her tone wasn't full of coldness like it usually was; it was good natured. Floros could have _sworn_ she heard a trace of an Irish accent, which Vilos had done her best to hide the past few years. Floros quietly smiled to herself for noticing that, but felt it was best not to bring it up.

Floros opened her mouth to say something else when the ground started to shake. It lasted all of ten seconds, but that was long enough for Floros to shriek and throw her arms around her sister, accidentally sending poor Maggie tumbling to the dirt floor. Not even that tumble managed to wake up the sleeping Macaraccoon, who continued to snooze on her back with her stubby little paws up in the air.

"What was _that?"_ Vilos said once the tremors stopped. She gently pushed Floros away and began to look around, as if the source was in her own house. Floros was still shaky. Nothing like _that_ had ever happened on Piñata Island! Despite the volcano Mistress Mayhem lived in and the occasional tropical storm, natural disasters were scarce. Floros had no idea how Vilos could keep a cool head after the ground had shaken!

Another tremor hit, this one longer than the last one. Floros curled up into a ball on Vilos' couch as if that would somehow protect her.

Vilos gritted her teeth and flew over to her curtains, parting them to look outside. The sun had begun to peek over the horizon, but the Village was already very much awake. Vilos could hear screams in the distance, not to mention an entirely unmanly one coming from the residence of Dedos and Jardiniera. The sideways tree that they called home was swinging back and forth dangerously.

"This looks like it could shape up to be really bad…" Vilos said under her breath. She turned around to face her cowering sister. "Floros, are you-" Vilos stopped dead in her sentence when she saw a bright green light swelling up from a crack in the walls of her dead tree. "What is _that?"_ Vilos breathed, floating backwards several paces as the light increased in size.

Floros whimpered. What the hell could have _Vilos_ so spooked? Did she dare raise her head and witness the horror? The ground was still tremoring…

Against her better judgment, Floros looked up just in time to see herself get engulfed by a bright green light as the earthquake became even more intense. She screamed as loudly as her lungs could muster, sending Vilos into a state of panic.

"FLOROS!" Vilos exclaimed, flying into the light and instantly becoming blinded by the brightness. The Island shook like it had never shook before and soon, the light had engulfed _everything._

As quickly as it came, though, the light disappeared. Floros was fine, just visibly frightened and practically hyperventilating. Vilos placed a hand on Floros' shaking shoulder and squeezed it in an attempt to reassure her.

"What was _that_ all about…?" Vilos clicked her tongue. "Well, my house is still standing, and you're safe…guess that's what matters…" Vilos turned her head towards the curtains. "Wonder if the Village is still standing…"

Floros whimpered and Vilos shrugged. Figured she'd better look outside and assess the damage…

Vilos parted her curtains and stuck her head out, her jaw dropping instantly. Vilos was never usually one to get startled, but looking outside and seeing that the Village had doubled in size was more than a bit disconcerting.

She floated outside, her brow furrowed and her index finger in her mouth, and her eyes darted around rapidly, taking in all of her surroundings. She almost stopped floating from sheer shock when she saw what was right next to her home.

Another dead, gnarled tree that looked _exactly the same as hers._


	2. The Merger

Vilos barged into that gnarled tree without knocking.

"HEY!" she yelled, her hands on her hips as she glared around the dark room. Floros peeped in the curtains behind her, but she could barely see a thing in the low light. "What's the big idea, barging into our universe like this?!"

"Vilos, what are you talking about…?" Floros asked, her voice barely a squeak underneath her sister's barrage of complaints.

After much more yelling from Vilos' end, a ghostly figure emerged from a hole in the far end of the tree. He had a twisted mask, a skeletal build, and horrible teeth. His eyes glowed in the dark and Floros could practically feel them piercing right into her soul.

Floros squealed and hid behind Vilos, shaking like a lost Kittyfloss in the rain.

"Relax, Floros, it's just an idiot…" Vilos reached over her shoulder to pet her sister's curly blue head.

"Vee!" The figure opened his arms and floated forward. "That's no way to greet your counterpart, you know. Do you have any idea how much I've missed you?" He was uncomfortably close to Vilos now, nose to nose with her mask. "I certainly didn't expect to have you barge into my tree so early in the morning. I was _sleeping,_ you know."

Vilos smacked the creepy guy so hard he spun.

"That's _it?_ You just do your usual act and don't even _care_ that we're suddenly in the same universe again?!" Vilos leaned forward, planting her hands on her hips again. "God, Dastardos, you're just as impossible as ever!"

"_Geez,_ woman!" Dastardos rubbed the spot Vilos had so unceremoniously smacked him. "Cut me some slack; my judgment's impaired in the morning!"

Vilos huffed and rolled her eyes. "This is probably your-"

"We can worry about that later," Dastardos flew around Vilos until he had a good view of Floros, who grabbed onto her sister's sweater as hard as she could. "I have questions for _you,_ too. For starters, who's _this_ little lady?"

Floros shrunk away from Dastardos' penetrating gaze. He had said something about Vilos being his…counterpart…could _he_ be the guy who came from the alternate universe all those months ago? _Ugh…_ Floros had expected him to be much more handsome. She couldn't imagine her beautiful sister having an equal in another universe who looked so ugly! He was _so_ creepy too…he looked like a villain right out of one of Floros' childhood storybooks! They always gave her nightmares…

"That's my little sister, Floros," Vilos tugged herself out of Floros' grip and draped an arm across her shoulders. "I told you about her, remember?"

Dastardos gave Vilos a suspicious squint. "I thought you said you hated her?"

"You haven't been here for _months,"_ Vilos squinted right back, the glowing light beams coming out of their eyes making contact with each other in the dark. "A lot can happen in that amount of time."

_Or in one night…_ Floros ached to add, but she didn't dare speak. She didn't like how Dastardos was sizing her up.

After giving Floros a few up and down glances, Dastardos came to a conclusion. "She's cute." He nodded approvingly. "_Much_ cuter than my little brother. Wanna trade?"

Vilos' chastising glare broke Dastardos out of his jokey mood. He flopped over like a broken marionette.

"Fine…I have no idea how I got here…In case you forgot, I left the gun with _you!"_ Dastardos jabbed a finger in Vilos' very flat chest.

"Oh, don't you dare pin this on _me,_ buddy!" Vilos poked Dastardos right back.

The two of them began bickering loudly. Floros had no idea what to do, so she just kind of stood there until more light began to stream in through the curtains.

"I'll just…" Floros pointed to the tree's front opening. "…be going now, if you don't mind."

Of course, Dastardos and Vilos didn't hear her over their bickering. Floros sighed and headed out the curtains…

…and her jaw nearly dislocated herself once she got a load of the Village.

It had apparently doubled in size overnight, or rather; each building somehow produced a copy of itself with a slightly different paint job. Even the garden that was close to Vilos' house had doubled in size, and Floros' own house had a clone of its own! No one was milling the streets, but Floros instantly became worried about how everyone would react. Obviously the two universes had merged somehow!

Floros whirled around and entered the tree again. Vilos and Dastardos were still loudly arguing about who was to blame for the incident. Floros cleared her throat and shouted: "HEY!"

Vilos and Dastardos instantly ceased their argument, their heads whipping towards Floros. They each wore an identical baffled expression. Floros could certainly see their resemblance to each other _now…_

"There's something you guys should see…" Floros pointed outside. "It's _really_ important!"

Vilos and Dastardos glanced at each other, nodded, and then followed Floros outside.

They took in the doubled-up Village and became very, _very_ quiet.

Dastardos finally spoke up.

"No fucking way."

"YES way!" Floros nodded frantically at Dastardos, her curly blue hair going wild with the motion. "I don't know _how_ this happened, but it looks like both universes have become one!" She slammed herself into a nearby tree, hugging it dramatically. "This could cause the fabric of space and time to rip at the seams! That's how it always goes in my sci-fi novels…we're all _doomed!"_

Floros sobbed a bit until she felt a familiar hand on her shoulder.

"Floros…" Vilos said sternly. "Calm. Down. There's no space-time fabric rips _anywhere."_

"I think the most we'll have to deal with is a _ton_ of confused Villagers…" Dastardos bit his lip, his one good eye rolling back towards the larger Village.

"Hmm…" Vilos rubbed her chin, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Now _that_ could be funny! I _have_ to see how this goes down!" Without warning, she sped off towards the Village before anyone could stop her.

"I'm going to go back to bed…" Floros jammed her hands into her pockets, dragging her feet in the general direction of her house. "…maybe this _was_ all a dream…"

Dastardos shrugged and figured Floros had it right. More sleep _did _sound pretty good…

He headed back into his own gnarled tree. He could worry about what happened in the morning.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Eddie, as always, was an early riser…but he felt _really_ off this morning.

As soon as he stepped out of bed, a feeling of dizziness took over his body and he fell to the floor. He barely dragged the trash can over to himself before vomiting up last night's dinner into it.

He had no idea what could have caused this sickness! He knew he didn't eat anything bad, no one he knew was sick, and he _never_ skipped washing his hands…but he woke up feeling like he had stepped off the world's largest roller coaster anyway!

"Ugh…" Eddie wept softly to himself once he finally finished getting sick. "Of _course_ this has to happen when my father's out of town…" Clutching his stomach, he shakily rose to his feet.

_Guess I'll pay Patch a visit…_ Eddie slowly put on the first clothes he could find, taking care not to move too quickly and set his quivering stomach off again. _He should have some stomach medicine…_

Eddie grabbed his wallet off of his desk and headed out into the Village.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Dizzy and still feeling ridiculously ill, Eddie was barely aware of his surroundings. His vision was blurred because he neglected to put his contacts in, too. He stumbled into the clinic and sat down on a chair in the waiting room. There was no way in _hell_ he could make it to the service bell after that long walk…

"Doctor Patchingo?" Eddie called out weakly. "Are you awake? I need something for my stomach…"

Much to Eddie's relief, the door leading to the rest of the clinic opened quickly, revealing a monkey-headed silhouette.

_ Wait a second…_

When the silhouette stepped forward, a shocking realization came over Eddie.

Those striped stockings…that skirt…that pink monkey helmet…that beautiful, baffled face…

"Eddie?" The cute, high pitched voice confirmed Eddie's suspicions. "Whuh-what are _you_ doing here?!"

Eddie threw up again out of sheer shock.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

This doctor might have seemed like a dumb blonde to most people in her home village, but she worked _fast._ She had Eddie cleaned up and on a medical cot in the blink of an eye.

"Oh, Eddie…" she sighed as she poured some thick purple medicine into a spoon. "I thought I'd never see you again! Buh-but…why are you here?" Her one visible baby blue eye narrowed with confusion.

"Give me the medicine and then we'll talk, Patrice…" Eddie was too sick to even contemplate how he felt about seeing his alternate universe flame again.

Doctor Patrice obliged, shoving the spoon just a bit too eagerly into Eddie's mouth.

Eddie swallowed the medicine with minimal effort. Bitter medicine was a rarity on Piñata Island, thankfully. Eddie would have had a hell of a time if the medicine hadn't tasted tolerable. He laid back on the cot and closed his eyes, waiting as his stomach calmed down.

Patrice stood up and walked to the other end of the bed, placing a palm on Eddie's forehead. "No fever…" she sounded relieved. "That's good…but…um…we still don't know why you're back here."

"That's a mystery to me," Eddie said thoughtfully, keeping his eyes closed. "But…I came from my house, for sure. Edith wasn't around, and I'm sure her room would have looked different than mine."

Patrice's hands flew to her mouth. "Your whole _house_ came to this universe with you?!" she squeaked.

"Seems that way," Eddie shrugged. He was finally starting to feel a bit better, so he opened his eyes and turned his head towards Patrice. "God knows what else came here too…ugh; I had a P-Factor round to run tomorrow!" Eddie sniffled. "My father's out of town; what if he comes home to find me and the whole house gone?! He'd think that he went _insane!"_ Eddie flipped over and buried his face in the pillow, punching the cot in frustration. He sobbed without shame, not even caring that he was crying in front of a girl. This was a _big deal!_

"Oh, Eddie, please don't be sad…" Patrice got all choked up herself at the sight of Eddie's despair. "H-hey, you never know! Maybe your house isn't the only thing that came to the universe with you…" Eddie felt Patrice's warm, delicate hand cover his balled up fist.

"I'm…I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing…" Eddie murmured, his words muffled.

"How are you feeling? If you can wait a few minutes, I can go outside and, um…size up the situation for you…" Patrice's voice was as sweet and comforting as ever. Eddie smiled into the pillow. A voice like that could take the edge off the worst of bad news.

"I'd really appreciate that, Patrice…" Eddie rolled over to give her the best smile he could. It seemed to work, because she blushed and averted her eyes away.

"I'll, um, get right on that!" Patrice nodded and left the room with a courageous vigor.

Eddie closed his eyes, expecting Patrice to take a while scouring the Village for people or places that didn't belong. His eyes popped back open when he heard her scurry back into the room one minute later.

"Patrice?" Eddie sat up, his brow furrowing with concern when he got a load of her face. She had gone sheet white, and even her monkey mask had taken on the same shade.

"Eddie…" Patrice wrung her hands, her voice shaking as much as she was. "I-I'm not sure how you'll feel about this…but…yuh-your _whole Village_ came with you…"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Eddie had let out an extremely unmanly scream upon receiving that news, but he stopped short after a few seconds, his eyes wide.

"Wait…wait…that's not such a bad thing!" Eddie laughed a little and Patrice took a step back. That sounded like the chuckle of a madman…

"How so?" Patrice cocked her head, her earrings swinging with the motion.

"Sure, people will be shocked…but we can make this work!" Eddie, feeling a whole lot better from Patrice's medicine, hopped down off the cot. "The Village will have _twice_ as many people in it! Heck, we'll barely be a Village anymore, we're a _town_ now!" Eddie clapped his hands. "That means I have more participants in the P-Factor, you have another doctor to help you out, and not to mention more customers!" Eddie took Patrice's hands and his expression softened. "And…I really missed you. I never forgot you, Patrice…"

"So, you're saying…" Patrice's cheeks turned pink. "…we can actually be together because of all this?"

"Exactly!" Eddie beamed at her. "We have no reason to try and 'fix' this, since it isn't a problem! Plus…we can see if we can make…_us _work."

Patrice laughed triumphantly, flung her mask aside, and planted an enormous kiss on Eddie. Eddie reciprocated the smooch, despite a bunch of sudden worries hitting him all at once. Did his mouth taste like vomit or medicine? Was he out of practice? And, most of all…

_What about Maxime?_

She had started to warm up to him recently. She stopped looking away from him whenever they were in the same room together, sometimes even _conversing_ with him. If they were going to get together, it would have been within the month, Eddie was sure.

Eddie dismissed the pangs in his heart. No matter what he would do, he'd have to leave one girl behind. Patrice was beautiful, smart, and…much safer for his mental health than Maxime was.

It was too late to change his mind. In his heart, Eddie finally, after so long, did something he thought he would never do. He let Maxime go.

Once Patrice broke the kiss, Eddie pulled her close into an affectionate embrace.

"Patrice…" he said under his breath. "I think I know how we can break the news to everyone gently…"

"How?" Patrice blinked her beautiful eyes. "I-I think that no matter what we do…there's going to be people who…um…freak out."

"That's where _you_ come in, my dear!" Eddie released her from the hug, but kept his hands on her shoulders. "You have the sweetest voice I ever heard! No one could react badly to words that came from _your_ mouth! I'll grab the bullhorn that we used to use for the P-Factor from my house. You can break the news about what's going on to everyone in the Village!"

Patrice paled again and Eddie frowned, obviously disappointed. "No-go?"

"I-I get really bad stage fright…" Patrice looked down at her little pink shoes, trembling a bit.

"Well, then…" Eddie backed up and placed his hands on his hips, doing his best to look as valiant as possible. "I'll take on that challenge for you!" He smiled at Patrice, lifted her chin, and added: "You don't even have to stand on the platform with me. How does that sound?"

"Great!" The color returned to Patrice's face as she nodded. "I sure hope this works…good luck, Eddie."

"With you cheering me on…" Eddie leaned in and gave Patrice a quick kiss on the mouth. "…I feel like I could do _anything."_

Patrice almost melted into a puddle right then and there.

Eddie headed for the door, his usual spring in his step. He was obviously feeling _much_ better. "Go wait in the Village square, Patrice!" Eddie winked at her, his hand on the doorknob. "I'll be back in a snap!"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Everyone in the Village received the rudest awakening of their lives.

Eddie had begun calling the names of whatever people popped into his head while standing on a stone platform surrounded by flowers in the middle of the Village Square. His goal was to wake everyone up, and it _worked._

Everyone came out of their homes and shops, some still clad in their pajamas, barely aware of how the Village had changed or the strange masks around them.

"What's the big idea, Eddie?!" Maxime, wearing an oversized wool nightgown, shook her fist at Eddie, her loud voice heard clearly over the crowd. "This better be good, since you woke all of us up!"

"Wait a second…!" a male voice that Eddie didn't recognize exclaimed in the crowd. "Who the hell is _that?!"_

"Ex-_cuse_ me, but what are _you_ doing back here, and who do you think you are waking everyone up?!" Ah, that was a voice that Eddie knew, it belonged to his own counterpart, Edith Lizard. Eddie wasn't too big on the pantsuit-wearing lipstick lesbian who ran the opposite universe's P-Factor. She was _way_ too abrasive for him.

_"Wake up and take a look around you, people!" _Eddie gestured at the Village with the arm that wasn't holding the bullhorn, his voice amplified. _"The Village has doubled in size!"_

"Great Scott!" Bart and Beth exclaimed in complete unison from opposite sides of the crowd.

Everyone in the crowd finally got a good look around –and at each other- and began frantically talking. Eddie scanned the crowd to see how everyone was reacting.

Freddie and Fannie had wound up next to each other and they both seemed completely repulsed with one another. Seedos was pinching his own arm, trying to convince himself that this was some kind of crazy dream. Doctor Patch looked about ready to fall to the ground and have a nervous breakdown. Lottie was yelling at Willy-no doubt complaining about her newfound competition- and Petula seemed barely fazed at all. She was practically falling asleep where she stood, clad in naught but a tank top and panties. Eddie was momentarily appalled that she'd even go out in something like that, but he had more important things to worry about.

_"CALM DOWN, everyone!"_ Eddie didn't raise his voice often, but the bullhorn really helped add to his attempt to shut the crowd up. He succeeded, and the crowd silenced and fixed their gazes on him. _"This isn't the end of the world! This is just the melding of two worlds!"_ Eddie took a deep breath and did his best to relax. He usually had no problem speaking in front of crowds, but a confused and angry crowd was a totally different story. _"I don't know what caused this, or how we can fix it, but we should make the most of it!"_ The crowd cast nervous glances at one another. _"People from my Village! I know you heard about what happened with Pester's portal-"_

"And looked at the pictures on my Maskbook!" Yoto shouted, hopping up and down in the crowd like he was on an out of control pogo stick.

_"-so you already heard about the people from the other universe!"_ Eddie gestured in the general direction of a building that crossed over. _"I really hope all of you can get along…um…"_ Dang, Eddie didn't think of how he would wrap this up…he decided to go with one of the classics. _"Any questions?"_

Storkos' hand went up. Eddie was impressed with himself for a moment; he wasn't aware his voice carried all the way up into the mountains!

Truth be told, Storkos was out doing early morning rounds and heard him when she was flying over the Village.

"Does this mean there are two Pesters and two Dastardoses now?" She asked, folding her arms and glaring. She obviously didn't like the idea of there being twice as many villains to deal with.

_"Well…yes and no…"_ Eddie scratched the back of his head. Damn, how did he forget about Mistress Mayhem? He had almost _married_ her, for God's sake!

The crowd grew restless at that answer, talking nervously under their breaths. Damn, what could Eddie say to deter their anger away from him? Uh-

Before he could open his mouth, he felt someone shove him. _Hard._ As he toppled over, someone swiftly grabbed the bullhorn right out of his hand. Luckily, Eddie didn't fall off of the platform, but he slammed down right on his hip. _OW!_

Once Eddie got his bearings back, he felt his blood grow cold when he saw who exactly snatched the microphone from him. It was a floating, skeletal figure, but not the one that Eddie was used to seeing around town and in poorly taken newspaper photos. This one had a curvy waist, long flowing silver hair, and an uncovered mouth, which was smirking at Eddie.

_Vilos…_ Eddie smacked his head against the stone. _Great. So much for resolving this peacefully!_

_"Unlike this fop here…"_ Vilos pointed at Eddie with a striped toe. _"I don't beat around the bush. Yes, you'll have to deal with twice as many jackasses at one time. There are twice as many of __you__ though, so I think it's only fair."_ She put on a false sweet smile for the crowd. "_My name is Vilos. I'm looking forward to smashing your sick piñatas!"_ She burst into a bout of evil laughter, obviously enjoying how it sounded amplified.

The crowd was scared silent, apart from Maxime, who pushed through everyone and pinched Eddie's arm.

"Do ssssssomething!" she hissed into his ear. "Everyone's going to go _nuts!"_

It was too late. Once the crowd got over their initial shock, they began throwing all kinds of colorful words in Vilos' direction.

_"Fine, I can tell when I'm not wanted,"_ Vilos faked a pout and floated over to Eddie, her scarves dragging on the ground behind her. She unceremoniously dropped the bullhorn next to him and leaned down to whisper in his ear. "Good luck with these guys, sweetie."

With a wink, she was gone as quickly as she came.

Eddie rose to his feet, brushed himself off, and looked to the gaggle of people to see that the vast majority of them were glaring daggers, spears, and harpoons at him.

Eddie swallowed and he felt his heart drop down into his stomach.

Fixing _this_ wasn't going to be fun.


	3. The Catfight

**AN: This will probably be the last time I update this fic for a while, since I'll be focusing on Poprockolis. Rest assured that this fic will be completed one day!**

**Still, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Suki Takayoshi, who left the VP section and fanfiction dot net recently. She was a great writer and an even better friend, and I miss her every day. Hope you're doing all right, good buddy. :')**

**Hope you all enjoy this chapter!**

It took Eddie almost an hour, but he calmed the crowd to a reasonable level of sanity. Either that or all of them got really tired from all of the yelling. Eddie wasn't complaining; at least they didn't bum rush the stage and attack him.

Now that everyone was calm, they had begun to examine the alternate universe people as if they were exhibits at a very weird art museum. At least they seemed to be getting along…

Eddie sat down on the side of the platform, exhausted from all of the negotiations he had to do. He never thought he'd entertain this thought in a million years, but he was actually sick of hearing his own voice. He heaved a sigh and let himself drop down into the crowd.

Almost immediately, he was accosted by Edith. She was one of the few people in the crowd who wasn't dressed in pajamas and her hair was even perfectly brushed. Eddie would have been impressed if he didn't dread the sight of her so much. He felt his stomach tie into a knot when he saw that she was scowling.

He didn't get to see much of her when he was in the alternate universe, but he didn't like what he did see. The way she bossed everyone around during the festival preparations…how blunt she was…the way she forced herself on Yoto…she was everything Eddie wasn't. Eddie might not have liked Yoto, but he didn't deserve _that._ Anyone who didn't treat the opposite sex with respect got subtracted a whole lot of points in Eddie's book.

"You have a _lot_ of explaining to do, mister!" Edith jabbed Eddie in the chest with a perfectly manicured purple nail. "How do I know all of this wasn't _your_ fault? You probably swiped the interuniverse gun in a fit of passion for Little Miss Doctor and messed everything up when you fired it!" Edith threw her hands up in the air. "_Men!"_

Eddie was silent in sheer disbelief for a few moments. "Edith…not to be rude, but I thought you were smarter than this. You pulled that right out of thin air…!" Eddie shook his head. "No, I had _nothing_ to do with this. I'm not going to lie, being reunited with Patrice is a great thing…but I have no idea why this happened!"

Edith huffed, obviously hoping she had found a quick solution to her problem. She stormed off into the crowd to point another finger at an unsuspecting person, Eddie imagined.

All this talk about Patrice made Eddie want to see her, though…hmm, where did she run off to?

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Petula barely even contemplated what was going on because of her sleep-induced fog. All she knew was that there were twice as many people in the Village Square than usual, and they were making twice as much noise. Ugh, she'd _never_ get back to sleep with all of this racket! Didn't they understand that she needed her beauty sleep to function?

Petula scanned her sleepy eyes around the crowd. No one interesting was from that "other reality" or whatever. They just looked like boring, normal people. No hot guys…

_Ah,_ Petula let a sleepy smile cross her perfect lips when her eyes settled on Eddie Lizard. _Now THERE'S a hot guy I know._

She moved forward in the crowd to get a better look at him. When she finally did go back to sleep, hopefully her dreams would be filled to the brim with sweet, sweet Eddie.

Eddie was at the front of the crowd, talking to some girl who looked like she could be Doc Patchingo's twin sister. He was obviously turning on the charm, flicking his bangs and giving the girl his most winning smile. The girl was blushing and whispering something to him.

Ordinarily, Petula would have raised an eyebrow at all of this, but Eddie had a reputation for always being charming towards women. He was just in his natural element, nothing to get upset abou-

Suddenly, Eddie pulled the girl close and kissed her on the lips, his face disappearing into her monkey helmet.

Petula felt every part of her body instantly snap awake.

She was seeing red at this point; the next thing she knew, she was darting forward, shoving aside everyone who got in her way. Neither Eddie nor that blonde bimbo he was so enraptured with noticed Petula barreling towards them like a very, _very_ angry bullet.

Eddie shrieked with surprise when Patrice suddenly toppled over.

It took a moment to register what was happening, but Petula was on top of Patrice now, breathing heavily and an absolutely crazed expression on her face.

"Cuh-can I help you?" was the best Patrice could come up with. Her helmet had fallen off and rolled a few pinometers away from her.

"Petula, what on Earth are you-?!" Eddie exclaimed. He got his answer a few seconds later, when Petula's fist connected with Patrice's jaw. Eddie shrieked and tore at his hair.

"CATFIGHT!" Percy shouted from somewhere in the crowd. Almost every male in the crowd ceased talking and ran over to where the screaming was coming from.

"You! Bitch!" Petula punctuated each word with another smack in Patrice's face. "Eddie! Is! MINE! I SAW HIM FIRST!"

Patrice barely fought back. She had attempted to shove Petula off of herself at first, but after a few punches, she was far too weak to make any other moves. Petula didn't let up at all and all Eddie could do was stand there like an idiot.

_He couldn't shove Petula! She was a __lady,__ even if she was a violent one…_ Eddie bit his lip so hard that he tasted blood when Petula began pulling Patrice's hair. _…but Patrice is the most important lady in your life now. You HAVE to intervene!_

Eddie listened to the little voice in his head and finally got his shaking legs to move. He grabbed Petula by the back of her shirt and pulled her off of Patrice.

"HEY!" Petula struggled out of Eddie's grip, whirled around, and punched _him_ square in the eye. "Let me finish what I started, you heartbreaking _bastard!"_

Eddie's hand flew to his eye, which was rapidly beginning to swell. He looked at Petula in sheer disbelief. He had never even _entertained_ the thought of dating her, why was she reacting so violently?!

As Petula turned back to the sobbing Patrice, Eddie recalled the time he followed Maxime into an illegal piñata fighting ring in Poprockolis.

_Love makes people crazy._ This was a shining example of that.

Eddie covered his eyes and began to cry a bit himself. He couldn't _believe_ that he caused all of this. What kind of man _was_ he?!

"That's _enough!"_ a low voice rumbled over Petula's screeches of war.

Petula instantly stopped what she was doing and whipped her head to face the source of the voice.

Eddie did the same, his blubbering trailing off. He was surprised to see that the loud exclamation came from Sparcticus, who almost _never_ shouted.

"Petula, you're acting like a baby. _GO. HOME,"_ It was Sparcticus' turn to pick Petula off of Patrice. Petula turned to glare at him, but she knew better than to punch him. She'd barely make a dent in someone of his size.

"But-" Petula tried to protest, but Sparcticus' cold glare told her that there was no room for negotiation. Sparcticus dropped her and she slunk back off towards Paper Pets.

"Way to go, loser," Percy shut his Alert System, which he had been using to record the fight. "You just ruined one of the most beautiful things in the world."

"Says you," Sparcticus narrowed his eyes at Percy before disappearing back into the crowd.

Eddie felt sad for a moment because he didn't get the chance to thank Sparcticus properly, but he had something else to worry about now. Namely, an injured girlfriend.

Eddie rushed to Patrice's side and helped her up, fussing over her. Once she was safely on her feet, Eddie picked up her monkey helmet and returned it to her.

Patrice blushed and gave Eddie a broken smile. "Duh-don't worry…I'm fine…" She sighed and ran a hand over her face before putting her mask back on. "Just a little…shaken. Oh, Eddie…your eye…" The brow of Patrice's monkey mask creased with worry. Eddie almost laughed; Patrice was in far worse condition than he was, and yet she put the needs of others above her own.

"I think we both need some medical attention…" Eddie linked his arm through hers. "Let's go find Doctor Patch. I'll explain about Petula on the way…" Eddie huffed a bit. "It's…quite a lot to explain."

"We have time," Patrice beamed at him despite her face's bruises and scratches. "All the time in the world…"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"I was hoping I'd get to meet you!"

Tanamo wasn't sure what to make of the grinning girl in front of him. She was even shorter than he was, with choppy hair and a sunlike mask. Something about her was ridiculously familiar; even if he was sure he had never been mask-to-mask with this girl before…

"I'm Sahari," the girl stuck out a tiny hand and her smile grew even wider. "I'm your counterpart!"

A memory suddenly surfaced in Tanamo's mind, of the purple haired guy from this universe showing him a photo of this girl in Arlene's Inn. He had thought she was cute, like she could be his little sister. He had always wanted a little sister…maybe this universe merge wouldn't be so bad!

Tanamo grabbed her hand and shook it enthusiastically. "My name's Tanamo!" he introduced, resting his free hand on his poncho'd chest. "It's awesome to meet you!"

Suddenly, an enormous shadow loomed over Sahari. Tanamo slowly looked up and felt his blood run cold when he got a load of the hulking behemoth of a man standing over his counterpart.

Sahari, on the other hand, seemed more than happy to see this guy. "Hey, Sparty!" she turned around to smile up at him. Much to Tanamo's surprise, the giant guy smiled back. Dang, Tanamo didn't take him for the smiling type.

"You feeling overwhelmed?" the tall guy asked, his voice deep and resonating with the slightest Greek accent. He nervously looked around at the crowd and added: "I know I am…I figured Yoto made all of this up and all of those…photos…were fake…"

"It'll be fine, Sparty," Sahari gave the tall man's hand an affectionate squeeze. Tanamo raised an eyebrow at that. He figured he shouldn't be caring about his lady self's love life, but this guy…who was he even supposed to be? Tanamo had a hunch…

"Hey, man," Tanamo gathered up all of his courage before speaking to this "Sparty" guy. Sparty cast a critical eye over him, but his expression softened after a moment when he saw that Tanamo was the spitting image of Sahari. "Where are you from?" Tanamo asked, cocking his head to the side a bit.

"The Piñarctic," He offered his hand to Tanamo. "I'm Sparcticus, nice to meet you. You're Sahari's…?"

Tanamo's brain blew a fuse. This guy was from the Piñarctic?! Why didn't he notice sooner? This guy was the counterpart of _ISIS!_

Tanamo's heart twisted into a gigantic knot. _Ugh, Isis._

Isis was the one that got away for poor Tanamo. He could never muster up the bravery to ask her on a date, so he danced around the subject of his love for her for years.

Tanamo had never even entertained the thought that Isis would fall in love with someone else, but she did.

Both he and Isis were friends with Edith, the girl who ran the P-Factor. One day, much to Tanamo's surprise and heartbreak, Isis and Edith had arrived at the P-Factor hand-in-hand and had shared a quick kiss before the round began.

Tanamo wanted to be happy for his friends, but he just…_couldn't._ Ugh, this guy was bringing up all kinds of awful memories…

"Hey, are you okay…?" Sparcticus withdrew his hand, his brow furrowing. "Your mask is pale…"

"I…" Tanamo choked a bit. "I need to go!" With that, he took off at top speed, kicking up dust in his wake.

"Huh, he seemed normal when I met him…" Sahari shrugged at Sparcticus.

"Must not like people from the Piñarctic…" Sparcticus sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets. "I know his type…"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Haven't gotten a call in hours," Dastardos said with a yawn, splaying himself across his couch, Magnar snoozing on his stomach. "Guess that's one good thing about the universe merging…"

He had been spending the past hour or so in the company of Vilos. She had burst into his tree, bragging about what she had done to Eddie and how she had terrified the crowd. Dastardos had given her a standing ovation. Now, they were just sitting around and chatting, Dastardos on the couch and Vilos floating a few inches from the floor.

"That's almost a shame," Vilos smirked. "I really wanted to take Margaret out for a spin."

Dastardos gave Vilos a weird look. "Who the fuck is Margaret?"

Vilos floated into a standing position and held out her hands. After a quick twitch, a scythe appeared in her hands. Its handle was patterned like Dastardos' Whacking Stick, but it was much longer and had a huge, curved blade on the top of it.

"WOW!" Dastardos exclaimed, quickly moving Magnar aside and flying off of the couch to examine Vilos' weapon. "Where'd you get this?!" he ran an invulnerable finger along the blade. "This is _much_ more badass than my stupid stick! No wonder you named it…"

"Mistress Mayhem upgraded it for me!" Vilos nodded, straightening the scythe and leaning against it. "She's good for some things, I guess…" Vilos admitted, her expression flickering annoyance at the mention of her boss.

"How did you get her to agree to _this?"_ Dastardos flew around the scythe so he can examine it from all angles. He was honestly jealous; sticks might have been made for smashing piñatas, but like Pester always said, there's no kill like overkill! "If I had asked Pester for a scythe, he'd instantly think I was trying to kill him."

"I told her some male gardeners were getting fresh with me," Vilos snickered. "That's partly true; there was one incident with this gardener, I think his name is Max or something, catcalling at me. Now he runs and hides whenever I come into the garden…and he's not the only one…!" Vilos hugged her scythe, a sentimental look on her face. "Ah, I love being intimidating. It's hard when you're a woman." Vilos looked around for a brief moment and leaned in. "Wanna hear a secret?"

"Sure do," Dastardos cupped a hand around his mask's ear.

"Back when I first started reaping…" Vilos snickered a bit at the memory. "…I wore this giant robe. Covered absolutely _everything._ I didn't want anyone to know that I was a girl." Vilos flipped her hair over her right shoulder.

"Oh man, that sounds like a story!" Dastardos sat tailor style in the air, looking at Vilos with expectant excitement.

"It sure is," Vilos nodded and got a faraway look on her face as she recalled the incident.

"I wore that robe for about four years. I absolutely _loved_ the air of mystery it gave me; how it made everyone I reaped from fear me. The fabric was black, completely black, not a single pattern on it. Mistress Mayhem spoiled me in my early days…she wanted to make sure I would stick around. When I asked for a disguise, she actually _imported_ the fabric for me and sewed the robe herself." Vilos snorted. "She was a different woman back then. Anyway…"

"I became kind of a big deal. 'Who's the Reaper?' every single paper would ask. I wouldn't talk, I wouldn't sing, I wouldn't even flinch when the doctors came around. I think everyone thought I was a ghost or something." Vilos smirked and turned transparent for a brief moment. "To be honest, they weren't too far off the mark."

"Then, that's when I ran into _him."_

"'Him?'" Dastardos Parrybo'd, one of his eyebrows arched.

"You know him. He was a fairly new gardener back then, just moved into this Village. It was my first time reaping in his garden, so, secretly, I was a bit excited to see how he'd react to me…ah, I see that smirk on your mask! You must know that feeling well!"

"He had that annoying, bright-eyed look. Like he thought everything was going to be okay. Feh. That look didn't falter even when I came into the garden. He actually greeted me cheerfully, can you believe it?"

Vilos lowered her voice in a mockery of a male's baritone. _"Oh, you must be that Reaper everyone's always talking about! Great to finally meet you!_ Ugh…and here's the worst part…he actually came up to me like he was going to shake my hand. I didn't know what to do, I just stopped. At this point, the doctor –not Patrice, her predecessor, this guy called Goron- was in the garden, so I just wanted to euthanize that stupid Pretztail and get it over with."

"Did you?" Dastardos asked, tilting his head the slightest bit.

Vilos huffed. "I'm getting to that part, just shut up and listen…"

"He was on his way over to me with his hand out, despite the fact that I shoved my hands in the opposite sleeves to make it _very_ clear that I had no intention of shaking his hand. Once he finally got close, I tried to swerve around him…" Vilos' expression fell and she folded her arms. "…but I didn't know that he was stepping on my robe. I came _right out_ of it."

"I hope you had clothes on underneath!" Dastardos snickered mischievously, earning himself a giant smack in the skull from Vilos' fist. "OW!"

"I _was,_ thank you very much! But I _felt_ stark naked…the way the gardener and the doctor were staring at me…" Vilos put a thumbnail into her mouth. Dastardos could tell this wasn't a good memory for her; Vilos' confidence was almost never so low. "I knew I was _ruined. _ The gardener made it even worse for me, you know. Do you know what he said?"

"I wasn't there," Dastardos replied, eyelids lowered.

Vilos ignored that little comment. "His eyes got all big and he smiled like a dope. He told me I was beautiful. A skeletal girl who looked scared out of her wits, _beautiful!"_ Vilos snorted. "Eh, it was a sign of things to come. Arthur still says shit like that to this day."

"That was _Arthur?!"_ Dastardos' jaw dropped. "I never would have forgiven him after revealing my identity to everyone!"

"Psh, it bugged me bonkers, sure, but he didn't know I used to be Stellos," Vilos huffed. "_That_ would have been more problematic. The papers were BALLISTIC for weeks. Every freaking headline said _THE MYSTERIOUS REAPER IS A GIRL!"_ Vilos threw up her hands. "It got to the point where I didn't even hide from the cameras; I just sort of glared at them whenever reporters would pop out of the bushes…people still knew not to mess with me, though, the first few guys who made lewd comments got visits from Mistress Mayhem in the middle of the night!" Vilos snickered behind her thin hand. "I don't know what she did, nor do I _want_ to know, but I'm sure glad she did it. Those guys never bugged me again."

"I'm so glad I'm a man right now, you have no idea," Dastardos puffed out his chest. "Never had to deal with shit like that! Everyone finds me scary, no effort on my part!"

"Even though you're a floating midget bastard?" Vilos gave Dastardos a gremlin like grin.

Dastardos stared at her like a Doenut in headlights for a few seconds before grabbing a handful of her hair and yanking it.

Vilos yelped and pulled her hair out of Dastardos' grasp. "Don't _ever_ pull my hair again!" she reprimanded Dastardos with another smack, this time on the shoulder.

"There's _sooooo_ much of it, though!" Dastardos wiggled his fingers, snickering like a madman. "It's hard to resist!"

Vilos made a point of floating farther away from him. She looked like she was about to say something else when her Alert System went off.

"Your boyfriend?" Dastardos mocked as Vilos fished her Alert System out of her pocket.

"Ugh, nope," Vilos sighed heavily when she saw who was calling her. "It's a message from Mistress Mayhem." Vilos held up the Alert System screen so Dastardos could see the text.

_Heeeeyyyy, sweetie pie! Mommy's been worried about you and she reallllly wants to see you! We have lots to discuss about a recent…incident! Please come here ASAP~! xoxoxoxoxo MM_

"Aww man…" Dastardos stuck out his tongue. "I _really_ don't want to see that lady again…but if you need me to come along for moral support, I will."

"I'd appreciate that," Vilos said, putting her Alert System back into her pocket and making her scythe disappear.

Dastardos deflated and looked at Vilos incredulously. "You weren't supposed to say that."

Vilos said nothing, but she grabbed hold of Dastardos' scarf and led him out of the house.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Oh my God…" Vilos breathed as she looked up at the volcanic lair.

There was still only one volcano, but it had doubled in size. Instead of just one statue at the very top, there were now two. A stone Mistress Mayhem and Professor Pester stood facing one another and they appeared to be in a gigantic argument.

"The volcanoes…merged?!" Dastardos exclaimed, shock in his voice. "Why _there_ and nowhere else?"

"They deserve it," Vilos snarled. "Come on, let's make this quick." With that, she swooped over to the ramp and began to float up. Dastardos followed suit.

As soon as they entered the lair, they found two Ruffians looking absolutely horrified. One was obviously Pester's, with bulging arms and swirling tattoos, and the other was Mistress Mayhem's, with a fluffy green ponytail tied with an enormous pink bow.

"What's going on?" Dastardos asked, making brief eye contact with Pester's Ruffian. Ugh, he had been around these things for ten years and he still hasn't been able to get over their hideousness.

"Lots of yelling…" Mistress Mayhem's Ruffian piped up. Dastardos barely resisted the urge to cover his ears. Her voice sounded like steel wool scrubbing a pot. "You go see?"

"We better go see…" Vilos folded her arms. "I bet my Mistress and Professor Pester haven't taken too kindly to having to share this volcano…"

The two of them flew down the dark corridor towards the main control room. Once they were halfway there, they could already hear muffled yelling in the distance.

"We should just turn around and leave," Dastardos suggested with a shrug. "They'd be none the wiser for a few hours."

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss a chance to see them tear each other to shreds!" Vilos sped up her pace and Dastardos had to push himself off the floor with a foot to keep up with her.

They arrived at the huge metal doors that led to the control room after a few more seconds. Vilos pressed a big red button and the doors creaked open.

Dastardos' eyes widened once he saw the state of chaos the room was in.

Some of the things in the room were Pester's, and some were Mistress Mayhem's, but there was no rhyme or reason to where everything was. There was only one gigantic computer and the big silver statue in the corner had become some sort of mutated Pester/Mayhem hybrid.

"Mistress?" Vilos put on her sickeningly sweet fake voice and pressed her index finger against her chin, her lower lip in a quivering pout. "Why are you fighting with that scary man?"

Dastardos had no idea how Vilos could be so prideful when she had to put on a persona like _that_ in front of her boss.

Mistress Mayhem and Professor Pester instantly ceased their arguing at Vilos' intervention.

"Sweetie!" Mistress Mayhem gushed, opening her arms. "_There_ you are! I missed you _so_ much!" Mistress Mayhem galloped over to Vilos and pulled her into a hug that would have crushed the bones of a normal person, spinning her around twice.

"MAYHEM-" Pester boomed, obviously still ticked. Mistress Mayhem held up a finger to silence him.

"Shush! I need to talk to my underling!"

Pester grumbled, folding his meaty arms and narrowing his acid-colored eyes into a glare.

Dastardos floated to his side. "Thanks for not greeting me with a hug."

"I'm not in the mood for your ludicrous jokes!" Pester turned his glare onto Dastardos, who barely flinched. "I absolutely _abhor_ sharing my lair with this woman! It's only been a few hours and she's already _insisting_ that she redecorate with a 'woman's touch!'" Pester threw his hands in the air.

"_That's_ what you were arguing about?" Dastardos snickered. "That's petty as hell. Figured you two would be conspiring!" Dastardos crossed two of his fingers and held them up in front of Pester's nose. "I always thought you two were meant to be, in some weird disgusting way."

"Nonsense, Dastardos!" Pester swatted Dastardos' hand away. "I know very well that I'm meant to be with your gem of a sister!"

Dastardos felt a sudden urge to conjure up the Whacking Stick and smack Pester in the head with it. Even though he had severed most of his family ties, he couldn't help feeling protective over his siblings. As much as he hated to admit it, none of them had ever wronged him.

"Professor~!" Mistress Mayhem sang, whirling around. "My darling little Vilos just had a _splendid_ idea!"

"WHAT," Professor Pester snapped, his expression still angry.

"How about we bury the hatchet?" Mistress Mayhem leaned forward, as if her oversized breasts threatening to burst out of her too-tight corset would help convince Pester to stop being angry. In reality, Pester just felt his stomach tighten into a sickened knot. "You and I can team up and lay waste to a few gardens! Let everyone know that we're a force to be reckoned with when we work together!"

Professor Pester's harsh visage faded and he pursed his lips as he thought. "Very well!" he said after a few moments, his usual sharp toothed grin crossing his mask. "I suggest we start with that pest Avalon's!"

"Hey, wait a second-" Dastardos tried to protest, but he slumped when he realized it was futile. Letting Pester know about his friendship wouldn't be too wise…

"Glad you agree-wait, who's Avalon?" Mistress Mayhem asked as she made her way to Pester's side.

"An insufferable bitch," Pester huffed. "Believe me; once you meet her you'll be _glad_ to be laying waste to her hard work!"

"Byeeee, Vilos~!" Mistress Mayhem giggled her horrible giggle before heading out the door with Pester.

"Well, that'll keep them out of our copious amounts of hair," Vilos brushed her hands together and rested them on her hips victoriously.

"You're a genius, Vee," One corner of Dastardos' mouth lifted up into a half-smile, but his admiration clearly shined in his tone of voice. "But…uh…if you don't mind I kind of want to follow them."

"Why?!" Vilos demanded, leaning forward to squint at Dastardos. "After all that trouble I went through?"

"No reason, I, uh…" Dastardos' cheeks colored dark black despite his best efforts to stop them. "Avalon's tough. I think it would be funny to see those two get their asses handed to them!"

Vilos brightened instantly and Dastardos let out a mental sigh of relief.

"That _does_ sound hilarious…come on, let's go!" Vilos grabbed Dastardos by the scarf and dragged him out of the lair.

_That was a close one…_ Dastardos thought as he was unceremoniously dragged through the dark, dank hallways. _If Vilos knew about me and Avalon's friendship I'd NEVER hear the end of it!_


End file.
